How-to-Win-Friends-and-Influence-People-Deluxe-75th-Anniversary-Edition-Carnegie-Dale-9781442344839

How To Win Friends And Influence People and My Thoughts

This is the tenth book in the series Learning Together and Leading Together where we are going through the Personal MBA plan curated by Josh Kaufman. Our goal is to get through 99 books this year. Do we read the whole book? Nope. We digest the summary(s) of the book and I give my thoughts and you give your thoughts. Feel free to follow along and comment if you would like.

The best summary I found on this book was found here. Major points of this book are:

In general:

  • Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
  • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want.
  • Become genuinely interested in other people
  • Smile
  • Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
  • Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

Dealing with people as peers:

  • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”.
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  • Begin in a friendly way.
  • Get the other person saying “Yes, Yes” immediately.
  • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
  • Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
  • Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  • Appeal to the nobler motives

Influencing people

  • Begin with praise and honest appreciation
  • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  • Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
  • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
  • Let the other person save face
  • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  • Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  • Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  • Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Main idea of the book: Treat others the way you want to be treated. Sounds familiar doesn’t it.

My Thoughts: This book is a classic for a reason. In fact I got my oldest son the kids version of this book. Sure some of the principles above seem basic and common sense but I am amazed by how this does not come second nature to most people. There is a reason this book has done so well. It is because it needed to be written.

Do I need to work on the principles above? You better believe it. Should I read these principles before walking into my next meeting? Yep. I think you should as well. These are everyday reminders that will get you far in life.

Some of the best advice I have ever been given in life are the basics: Show up on time. Be nice. Don’t make it about yourself.

If you need a copy of the book you can find it here:[amazon_enhanced asin=”0671027034″ /]

What did you think of this book? Does this seem like a no brainer to you?

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6 Responses to How To Win Friends And Influence People and My Thoughts

  1. Justin at #

    I’m reading this book this week. The powerful part of the first chapter on criticism is his exhortation to fathers in regards to children, and the “Father Forgets” essay he reprints. It’s not that we should never criticize, you can’t speak to someone’s heart with criticism until they feel secure in your complete love and/or respect. “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.” A good word.

  2. The point you are making is powerful and the reprint of that essay is great. In general though I don’t think criticism helps most relationships. In a father/child relationship then yes. In most friend to friend relationships then I would say no.

  3. Justin at #

    I believe this link will take you to my review on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/856323647
    It stripped out the HTML from my blog, so the formatting is dull.

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